On July 1, 2016, we discovered we were expecting our fifth child (technically our sixth if you count the one we lost in 2013, but I won't delve into that, as that is another story already told but not one I'll ever forget). This was not an accident or unintended, and yes, we are very aware as to "what causes that". I had told Matt I wanted to keep it to ourselves for a while. I was not ready for the judgment, the comments, and the negativity that was sure to follow.
Years ago, large families were the norm. It was nothing strange to see a family with, believe it or not, more than America's current 2.5 kid average. If you have more than what society now deems acceptable or "normal", you become the butt of jokes and the aim of comments, and people think it's fair game to ask you inappropriate questions about birth control and utter innuendos about your sex life.
Recently a friend, who is also a mom of a large family, made the comment that after your first few children, people tend to see just another pregnancy and not a child. That has stuck in my mind since because I think she is completely right. It's a sad truth and one we can't really change.
I promise (most) large families are not weird or odd or abnormal. We are not all Catholic. We are not a disease or a plague, nor are we a circus show that wants to be gawked at wherever we go. We are very aware of how pregnancy happens, and you need not bring it up every time you see a parent with more than three or four kids in tow at Target.
I'm ashamed of myself now to admit I succumbed to the fear of what others would think. I allowed my fear of the world's expectations to overshadow my faith in God's good intentions. I should have embraced the gift of this life and shared the news of our blessing openly and without fear. I should have invited others to pray with us for a healthy child. I should have held my head higher and not let society's standards dictate how I should feel about anything, not just the pregnancy. I allowed that fear to steal my joy, and that's not how I want our child's story to begin...because he or she deserves better than that.
I'm not expecting everyone to understand or even to agree, but what I do hope for--and I daresay even demand--is respect. Respect the fact that bigger families choose to be just that. Many large families, and most of the ones I personally know, are Christian couples trying to raise godly children in a world that tries to suffocate such efforts. In a nutshell, we are trying to better the world for the future, a future that often seems bleak and doomed. If our children can be a light in such dark times, which only seem to be worsening, how can you fault them for that? I am not saying my children or children from big families are perfect, nor am I saying that only "good" children come from these types of families. The same is true for parents. I know great parents and not-so-great parents of all family sizes. All I'm suggesting is you please give us families with a lot of kids the benefit of the doubt.
On a personal level, my husband and I strive to be good examples in our morals, values, and beliefs and seek to instill these things in our children. But trust me when I say we fall short every day. We question ourselves constantly: Are we doing the right thing? Is this best? How do we decide? We make mistakes...a lot of them...and our children make mistakes...plenty of them. Parenting is hard, no matter who you are, no matter what your beliefs, and no matter if you have one child or ten of them.
Our situation is different from most families we know, of course. Cystic Fibrosis is a possibility for any child we conceive. It's a risk we've taken as we've grown our family, and we are not ignorant of this. But isn't every pregnancy a "risk", whether you are healthy or not, no matter your family history? A pregnancy can result in a miscarriage, which happens in 1 out of 5 pregnancies, statistically (and I personally fall into that statistic. No one is immune). Your child could have Down Syndrome, Spina Bifida, a heart defect, a kidney disorder...be missing a limb...be blind...be deaf...be born prematurely. The list goes on as the possibilities are virtually endless, and no one guaranteed a healthy child. Period.
What I can say without a doubt is that children are gifts, borrowed from God for such a short time, and I'm grateful to Him for every one He's chosen to bless us with.
P.S. No, we do not need a bigger house, and yes, we have room in our minivan.
