Calories=The Enemy

Earlier today I was craving a glass of chocolate milk. I have the ingredients in the fridge: 1% milk and chocolate syrup. But immediately, I thought, "Well, that's like 200 extra calories I can avoid today just by not drinking that."

In a way, it's good that I think this way because I am aware of what I'm ingesting and the consequences of choosing to eat or drink a certain thing. In another way, I hate it because I wish I did not have to be so conscious of it. There are so many thin people who are just naturally that way and seem to eat whatever they want without blinking an eye. (I can't help but secretly somewhat despise them.) On the other hand, sometimes I just don't care. I know what's in it, I know it's bad for me, but darn it, I just want to eat it!

I read all these articles on finding the root of why we overeat. Some people are "emotional" eaters who eat their feelings, whether it's because they had a crummy childhood or whatever. I've searched and searched, and all I can come up with is that my relationship with food has nothing to do with emotion, unless the emotion is love. Who doesn't love having their favorite dessert? I love chocolate, and I don't think I could ever completely give it up. Certainly, there are other foods that cause my weight issues that I could probably give up, but sometimes it's just about convenience or budget or whatever.

If I was a thin person, I don't think anyone would think this is all a big deal. But because I'm heavier, I know people think, "Should you really eat that?" or "Yeah, you probably should count calories."

I have come a long way in the past few years as far as changing my eating habits. It hasn't been dieting, it's been lifestyle changes. More veggies, fruits, and whole grains. Less empty calories. Lots of water. Sodas only sparingly.

This blog is to document my journey through weight loss, to be able to share my thoughts and feelings, frustrations and rants, and triumphs and accomplishments. Although I am not comfortable enough sharing my weight, I will say that my goal is to ultimately be 70 pounds lighter. Feel free to share advice and encouragements, but please do not, under any circumstances, discourage me in anything I do or don't do. There's no room for that.