Just One Year

First, a frugal moment:  That birthday crown my adorable child is wearing in the picture above cost me $.74 at Target last year.  I bought it and saved it for this occasion.  His bib was $.99 at Gymboree, and his birthday onesie (which he wasn't wearing in this shot; he was in his swimming attire), was a Carter's find at less than $3. 

Now for the true purpose of this post:  We celebrated Kyden's first birthday this past weekend.  My little "baby sir" is already a year old!  It doesn't feel very long ago when we were announcing that we were pregnant with Baby Anderson #3, who is now Anderson Kid #3.  I remember being worried not because we didn't know if he would have CF but about what other people would say about it.  I could feel the weight of others' judgments on my shoulders.  But if we had chosen not to take a chance, if we had been too afraid to take on another with CF, or any other disease or disability, for that matter, we would not have received the gift of Kyden Isaiah, who is healthy and has given me the gift of hope.  It's hard to explain in words, but it is the only way I can put it. 

I made a promise to myself when he was born that I would take it more slowly this time, that I would take in every moment and revel in this new life we had been given so that as he grew, it wouldn't seem like it was going by so quickly.  But now a year has gone by, and I feel like I only blinked, and I realize there is nothing you can really do to slow it down.  The thief of time has once again snuck in behind me when I wasn't looking.

But even though he isn't that tiny baby I brought home from the hospital a year ago, what he has learned and achieved and discovered has been amazing to watch,  even though I have been through this stage twice before.  I don't think that could ever get old, no matter how many children you have.  I miss how he would curl into a ball and sleep on my chest, and his gummy, toothless smiles, and the first laughs he ever echoed, but I love to watch him be silly, and interact with others, and show off his awesome little personality. 

At his party, even though he wasn't feeling a hundred percent, he was still a sweet, smiley boy.  My favorite part of the day was seeing him dig into his cake:  a little hesitantly at first, then once he had a taste, he dove right in.  When we opened gifts, he loved looking at his cards and "reading" them. 

I'd say that I hope this next year doesn't go by so fast, but I know better than that.  The thief of time may steal my minutes...my hours...my days...but it can not steal my memories, nor can it steal my joy.  Happy Birthday to one of my greatest joys.

Things that make me LOL

My kids are always doing and saying things to make me laugh.  And all kids (or most kids, I should say) do the same thing, so I know it's nothing out of the ordinary.  But don't you hate that moment when you start to tell your spouse/mom/sister/friend etc. about the hilarious thing one of your kids said or did and totally go blank on what it was?  Yeah, I do that all the time.

 At one time, I started doing this index card memory box thing:  when one of the kids did something I wanted to remember or we did something special that day or I just wanted to record a particular memory, I would date an index card, write down whatever I wanted to record, then file it away in the box.  I was really great about doing that almost every evening before bed until Kyden came along.  I kept the box next to the bed, but because we had a newborn sleeping in our room (and still do, though he's not a newborn, because he still wakes up every 2 to 3 hours to nurse, which I fear will be habit until he goes off to college), my index card memory writing became very sparse, and now, I can't tell you when was the last time I recorded anything.  I hate that, but thank goodness for Facebook's timeline and blogging, where I can easily look back to see all the things I have posted about the silliness of these Anderson kids, who are growing up much too fast and will eventually find all these silly sayings and musings embarrassing and eye-roll-worthy, at least until they reach adulthood and hopefully appreciate this tired mommy's efforts to preserve as many little moments and memories as I possibly could.

That said, I wanted to share some of the silly things that I've seen and heard around here lately.  Yesterday, Cohen was eating lunch, and at one point he got up and went into his room (which was a big mess at the time).  When he didn't return after a minute, I asked him what he was doing, to which he replied with a sigh, "Just looking at my disaster." 

Kyden, though only just shy of a year, has his own silly personality and is surely following in the footsteps of his siblings.  One day, I had put his shoes on him before heading out for the afternoon, and as I was gathering things together to leave, he pulled his shoes off and stuck them in the shoe bin by the front door (it's a big basket full of everyone's various pairs of shoes).  Not only silly, but smart, that boy is!  He also pulls out Mommy and Daddy's shoes and tries to wear them.

And finally, I have to share Emberlynn's "book" with you.  She made this completely on her own yesterday with no help or prompting from me except when she needed help stapling all the pages together.  So here is how her story goes (each sentence is on its own page complete with an illustration):

Title:  Emberlynn and Kyden
"Kyden was a baby."
"Emberlynn was big."
"Go out and play now."
"One day Emberlynn made a mess."  (She drew a picture of herself standing in a her messy room.)
"Lots of silly words she said."  (Sounds like something Yoda would say.)
"Kyden loved Emberlynn."
"They have fun playing."
"Emberlynn was so nice to him."
"Emberlynn and Kyden go play."
"Emberlynn did clean her room now."
"Mommy gave him a snack."  (She drew a really cute picture of Kyden in his high chair.)
"Then Mommy makes tea."  (My favorite part.)
"And they live happily ever after."  ("Happily" is spelled "habaly".)

This little book is definitely going in her baby book with her other keepsakes.  And she reminds me of myself because I started writing stories and small books when I was about her age.  Maybe she will have a love for writing like Mommy...

April Clinic and the Kiddos

First, I want to say how much I appreciate everyone's prayers and concerns for Cohen (and for all three kids, for that matter) as we approached his and Emberlynn's recent clinic visit, which was last Thursday.  Matt requested the day off when I made the appointment so that if the decision on the feeding tube surgery needed to be made, he would already be there with me.  My sister Shauna graciously watched Kyden for us (a big thanks to her!) since he is now walking and would have had to be cooped up in a small exam room for two and a half hours, not to mention it gave Matt and me a chance to be able to focus just on Emberlynn and Cohen and talk to the nurses and doctors with minimal interruption. 

In short, the biggest issue for Emberlynn and Cohen is and always has been their weights, or more specifically, their BMIs.  They are supposed to be at or above the 50th percentile for BMI; poor weight gain and maitenance can be detrimental to their health because it affects lung function.  For Emberlynn, the feeding tube helps tremendously by giving her extra calories via overnight feeds.  We are not strangers to this, given that Emberlynn has had her g-tube for nearly five years now.

Cohen, as he has grown taller and gotten more active, has had trouble maintaining an "acceptable" BMI.  He is not unhealthy or undernourished, and I have seen far skinnier kids, but those kids don't have CF, so it's not so much a concern for them.  We have spent the last couple of months trying our best to "fluff" Cohen up (a term my friend Emily uses, which I kinda love) with extra calories in his meals and snacks plus supplementing with Pediasure and Boost Kids.  I have weighed him every week, sometimes several times a week, especially during the last couple of weeks leading up to this last visit.  He had put on two pounds, which was our goal, and then a week before the appointment, he got a virus (which Emberlynn and Kyden also picked up shortly thereafter).  Go figure that the virus lasted a week and completely wiped out his appetite.  He barely ate or drank, which caused him to drop over a pound.  Once weighed at the clinic, it showed he had gained about a pound since his previous visit, which was not stellar but a step in the right direction, at least.  It bumped him from the 33rd to the 41st percentile, which isn't too shabby, in my opinion.  If he hadn't gotten sick, he would have been back above the 50th percentile.  (The doctor actually asked me if Cohen could be faking sick since Emberlynn was also sick, but I told him Cohen was the one who was sick first, and no, he wasn't faking it.  And as  his parents, I think we would know.  Sheesh.)  Most importantly, we were able to "shelve" the feeding tube conversation for now. 

As for Emberlynn, she lost a little bit of weight, but she also had the same virus as Cohen, causing her to have no appetite whatsoever (her appetite is not that great to begin with).  We couldn't even use the feeding tube to help make up for everything because it was making her throw up.  So now that she is over the funk, we are playing "catch-up" by putting her on her feeding tube six nights a week as opposed to five nights (per her dietician's instructions), which is what we have been doing for some time now.

Emberlynn and Cohen will have another clinic visit in two months instead of the normal three months to make sure their weight gain is good.  As long as we can avoid another hiccup (like a week-long virus), I am optimistic they will receive good reports.

And now we come to Ky-Ky, who is growing up way too fast (you'd think I'd be used to that, right?).  Yesterday, as I was browsing the dollar store, I found monkey-themed birthday party stuff, so I bought it for him seeing as his birthday is one month away.  One month away!  I mean, seriously, wasn't he just in my belly?  Now he is walking(and running) and talking (he says "Dad", "Daddy", and "Hi")  and eating whole bananas (since he refuses to eat it if I cut it into small pieces), among other "big boy" things.  (But I sure would love if he learned this "big boy" thing called sleeping through the night.  That would  be awesome.)  He is also still nursing, which is fine for now,  but once he turns a year old, I'm afraid he won't be too keen on stopping.  He loves the boobies, what can I say?  But I suppose we will cross that bridge when we come to it, as they say.

School, Soccer, and Such

So, as always, I have to start by talking about my kids, right? After all, they are my world.

Emberlynn has a mere twenty-nine days of school left (not counting weekends, of course), and then we get to take a little break for Summer before starting back up in July. She is already halfway through first grade curriculum, so sometime during the next school year, she will start on second grade material. This is one of the perks of homeschooling: the kids can get exactly what they need. If she was in kindergarten at school, she would be SO BORED, and I can only imagine how she'd be filling her time (getting up and down, socializing...in other words, getting into trouble). Despite the ups and downs and the emotional war I've had with homeschooling at times, I am extremely glad we chose this path. Being able to experience when my child learns something new and is intrigued by new information, not to mention learn how to read and read fluently, has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Being the one to teach her all these new things is pretty awesome. My little gymnast will also be taking a break from gymnastics this Summer. She has expressed interest in soccer, and I believe they offer in locally in the Fall, so we may go that route for a little while.

Speaking of soccer, we have ourselves a little soccer superstar in the house by the name of Cohen. He started playing in March for the Spring season, and I'll admit, it didn't look promising at first. At his first couple of practices, he didn't want to do much of anything besides stand on the field or stand with me. His first game was awful; he cried pretty much the entire time, so getting on the field even just to run around with his other teammates was out of the question. (Two other kids were crying that day, so that made me feel a little better about the situation). I mean, after all, these are three and four-year-old kids we are talking about, most of which have never played any kind of organized sport.

A few days after his first game was his next practice, during which Matt was able to get on the field with Cohen for encouragement. This practice went extremely well, so we were hopeful that he would at least get on the field and not cry at his next game. We explained that during the game, Daddy wouldn't be allowed on the field, and Cohen understood. So at the second game a few days later, not only did Cohen cooperate and play, he scored FOUR goals! The first of the season for his team! We were BEYOND proud and thrilled. And it gave him just the confidence he needed because ever since, he has been Mr. Soccer Extraordinaire! At yesterday's game, even though he was tired and has been fighting a pretty nasty cold, he played almost the whole time and scored the first goal.

Mainly, I am just glad to have Cohen involved in something that is a good form of exercise (and good for his lungs) and gives him a chance to be social with other kids and learn cooperation and teamwork. Scoring goals is a great bonus, of course, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't super proud of him.

And last, I certainly would not go without talking about my sweet Ky-Ky, who turned ten months old on April 9. I can not believe his first birthday is right around the corner. He has grown way too fast. For the last few weeks, he has been standing up from the floor all on his own and standing for long periods of time and also taking steps. And over the last few days alone, he has been trying to walk a lot more. I don't think it will be very long before he is officially walking; I am guessing it will be by the end of the month, if that long. He just looks so cute and little standing there because he is on the smaller side and just looks too little to be walking! But there's definitely no slowing that boy down! (*And in the midst of typing this blog, Kyden walked halfway across the room.)

Now that I am (temporarily) done talking about my kiddos, I wanted to talk about my new adventure on which I currently embarked. I became a Thirty-One consultant. Not familiar with Thirty-One? You can go here to learn more about it. It is a direct sales company (like Avon, Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, etc...you get the idea), and it is Christian-based, which was a big selling factor for me. (The name of the company comes from Proverbs 31.) I have never been the biggest fan of direct sales; I like to attend the parties, but a lot of times, I feel pressured to buy products I know I won't use. Then I fell in love with Thirty-One's stuff because it's all about storage and organization, which is right up my alley, but their stuff is also super cute and functional. Once I realized I pretty much wanted to buy everything in the catalog, I thought to myself, "As excited as I am about this stuff, I could probably sell it." I didn't become a consultant to make money, however. Sure, that part is a nice bonus, but my reason for becoming a consultant is to have a hobby for myself and an outlet that will give me a break from the everyday craziness. I get to hang out with other women and have adult conversation and just be me for a little while. So while my excitement and literal joy over this endeavor may seem silly or pointless and even annoying to others, the fact that I have a new found confidence and purpose makes it worth it to me.

That said, I have to add a request: If any of my readers (all, what is it, 11 of you? lol) would like to host a party, please let me know, and I would really, genuinely enjoy doing a party for you. I started out just hosting because it earned me free and discounted products, so it's an easy way to get some of their awesome stuff!

There she goes, talking about her kids again...

A few unrelated updates about my kiddos...

Since we have to essentially "make" Cohen gain two pounds by the end of next month, I have been weighing him at the beginning of each week to keep tabs on it. From last Sunday to today, he has put on half of a pound. If he keeps that up, we should get to the two pounds (and maybe more) with no problem. We've been pumping this kid full of Pediasure to supplement his already decent appetite for food.

Speaking of good appetites, Kyden is pretty much over baby food completely. He still eats a little here and there, but he is preferring table food (who wouldn't, right?). This has made meals for him a little more challenging since he is limited to the kinds of food he can eat at this point. He's been eating a lot of steamed peas and carrots lately along with bananas, all of which he loves. Today, I gave him tiny bits of chicken at lunch (he ate every bite), steamed peas and carrots (inhaled), and steamed apples with cinnamon (inhaled even faster). Tonight, I am going to let him try some of the creamy potato soup (think very creamy mashed potatoes, but it also has pureed squash and cauliflower in it). Along with the nursing, it would seem he is getting adequate nutrition, but his nine-month check-up on Friday showed him to be on the smaller side for his weight (about 25th percentile) but otherwise healthy. The doctor is not concerned, citing that it is probably genetics (which I can't argue with, since Matt was a very small baby and child, and all my babies have been small so far). I'm sure if Kyden was formula-fed and drank juice instead of water in his sippy cup, he probably would be a little bigger given all those extra calories. Anyway, I'm sure he will catch up as he eats more table foods and once he switches from breast milk to whole milk after his first birthday, but the irony is that I thought he would be the only one of my three children with whom I wouldn't have to worry about calories and growth, and here I am somewhat worrying about it, even though the doctor assured me I shouldn't.

The doctor also diagnosed Kyden with eczema, which confirmed my suspicions about the skin issues he has been having. Fortunately, I have been doing almost everything the doctor suggested to keep the symptoms to a minimum (special lotion, hypoallergenic products, and applying Aquaphor on when it flares up), but she also said to keep his baths spread out to about every three days. I have been bathing him about every other day, mostly just out of routine, but it's an easy adjustment to make.

All this talk of food is making me hungry, so onto another topic. Cohen has his first soccer practice this evening, and since soccer is pretty much all he has talked about the last month, he is completely stoked that he finally gets to go tonight. I'm looking forward to seeing how he does as far as learning how to be part of a team, following directions, taking turns, and so on. It will also be good for him to have the social interaction with other kids his age and not just with his sister and baby brother. Mostly, I just want him to have fun and be a kid.

Since I have talked about my boys, I must talk about my daughter so she won't feel left out, right? She is doing very well with her school work and is reading everything. (Gone are the days when Matt and I could spell stuff to each other if we didn't want the kids to know what we were talking about.) I must say, I think she's a born reader. Not only is she good at it, but she enjoys it, too. Phonics, schmonics. She pretty much blows it out of the water. I'm very proud of my Emmylou. She is sort of a fidget when it comes to sitting still, but she does remarkably well with her lessons, so I know she's still paying attention.

Speaking of school, time to end this blog and get some lessons going.

When CF Makes Me Angry...Really, Really Angry...

Before I get to the major matter, here are some pictures from Thursday's CF Clinic visit:

Emberlynn doing PFTs (which measures lung function)

Cohen in his mask (to not spread funk or have funk spread to him)

Emberlynn in the funk-protecting mask

I believe the most defeating thing about CF, and about many diseases and illnesses, for that matter, is that you can do all you possibly can so that it does as little harm as possible, but it's still not enough.

Over the last year or so, we have struggled with Cohen gaining enough weight. And it's not so much that he hasn't gained weight--he has--but along with that, he has grown taller, and his weight isn't catching up to his height, i.e., his BMI keeps dropping too low on the chart. I'll be the first to admit he's a skinny kid, but he by no means looks undernourished. He's an active four-year-old, which is normal and healthy, but with that comes the natural burning of calories, calories he so desperately needs. (On a side note, in my dream world, it would be awesome for me to consume those calories and transfer them to my children considering they need them and I, obviously, do not...but that's another issue all together...). And the thing is, the kid eats. He eats so much that it probably costs more to feed him than Matt or myself. So the issue isn't that he isn't eating enough. But what he is eating isn't necessarily the highest in calories, and there is only so much I can do to make things more fattening. For instance, he loves bananas, which would be thrilling if he was an average kid with average nutrional needs. For him, though, it would be great if he'd eat some peanut butter on that banana, or cream cheese-based fruit dip, or something that would add some good fat to it. But he just wants the banana. He won't touch peanut butter in any shape or form. He's not a fan of ice cream (yeah, I know, weird child), so milkshakes are out of the question. People think it would be easy to get calories in the kids because what kid wouldn't want to eat ice cream or cake or all these great high-calorie foods? My kids.

Anyway, I could go on all day about the struggles with food around here. We know how it ended with Emberlynn (getting a g-tube when she was 18 months old). And now it seems we are headed down the same route with Cohen. I'll spare you all the fine details from my conversation with the head pulmonary doctor, including how I broke down in tears in front of her, but in a nutshell, we have two months to get Cohen to gain two pounds (assuming he doesn't grow any more in height), or we will need to make the decision about the g-tube. Now the doctors can't force us to do anything, of course, but they are highly encouraging it, so much so that I had two doctors in the room with me discussing it. Given the fact that I've never had two doctors come in the room to discuss anything (not counting students--Vandy is a teaching hospital, after all), I know they are getting serious about it. Dr. B, who I highly respect and talks to me like a person, not an ignorant parent, is worried that his slow weight gain will start to affect his lungs (weight gain is directly affected to lung function) and that it would be better to go ahead and do it rather than keep prolonging it and do any damage.

I understand this, of course, and would never want to hurt my child deliberately. The thing is that it's not just a matter of my son getting a g-tube to help with extra calories. It's that he has to have surgery; be in a hospital for days; adjust to tube feedings, which he may or may not tolerate well (think vomiting, diarrhea and/or constipation, etc.); be attached to a pole every night; relearn how to sleep (it's hard to sleep on your stomach when attached) and not roll around so that the tubing doesn't wrap around him or around his neck, which is something that happened a lot with Emberlynn in the beginning; most likely revert back to wearing pull-ups at night because of all the fluid being taken that will inevitably have to come out. More importantly and most concerning is that he will have to adjust to having something sticking out of his stomach, which will probably be very upsetting to him, at least initially. He also will most likely not eat much during the day because he is essentially eating at night. And even though the tube is supposed to give me and Matt peace of mind because we know we can be more in control of the calories he takes in, it is an added stress. It's another worry. Another thing I'll have to fight insurance companies about. Another "chore" to add to the crap my kids have to do everyday just to survive. Another thing to make my child's life more about CF and less about being a kid.

As much as I don't want CF to define my kids, it's hard when it's so consuming. Living with CF will never be easy, not as long as a cure is not discovered, and it only gets harder as time goes on. And as Emberlynn and Cohen get older, it will be harder for them emotionally, and they will start to ask those questions that will break my heart even more, like why they have CF and why they have to do therapies and treaments and others don't. Staying positive is hard when there's so much negativity around. And it's so easy for others to tell me to think positively when they're not the ones in these shoes. Trust me, I pray, mostly for peace, but also for my kids to be able to live a long life, with or without CF. I want to tell them that, no, they won't die from this, and not be telling a lie. I know that no one is guaranteed a tomorrow, but it's hard not to think about mortality when it constantly is in your face. As a Christian, I know it's the devil speaking, and I must tell him to get behind me, that Jesus is for me. But even Jesus suffered, and he cried out to his Father, and this is me, crying out for my children.

Pigs and Oreos

Just a couple of things I heard from my kids today...

Emberlynn: "I think God heard me when I asked him for two brothers. So I could be like Olivia [the pig on Nick, Jr.]. Does that mean Olivia's God is a pig?"

Following this, I had to explain to her that God is the same everywhere, even to Olivia, but Olivia is make believe, and that is why the pigs can walk and talk like humans. I think this confused her more, to be honest. I don't think she wants to believe that Olivia isn't real.

And a few minutes later, this is what I heard from Cohen as he ate his Oreos, his after-lunch treat: "Mommy, these taste like magic!" Good job, Nabisco, on your magical cookie.

"I can't believe I'm six!"

This is what my daughter said today on her sixth birthday. Probably because I kept saying, "I can't believe you are going to be six!" on the weeks and days leading up to it.

Six years ago, just before midnight on February 13th, I was going to bed dreading having to work the next day when my water broke. Well, it didn't break so much as slightly trickle, really. Which is why I thought maybe I had peed on myself. I wasn't due for two more weeks, and "they" (whoever "they" are) say that first babies tend to be late, so I figured it would be early March before Emberlynn Grace would, well, "grace" us with her presence (pun totally intended). My husband and mom finally convinced me I should go to the hospital, even though I knew I would be upset with myself if I had, indeed, peed on myself.

But nearly thirteen hours later, I was pushing, in so much pain but with so much anticipation, excited but scared beyond measure, and she was here. When I saw her face, there were no words. Just tears and floods of overwhelming, unexplainable emotion.

My daughter has no idea how much I love her, that she is a piece of my heart walking around on the outside of my body. She has no idea I was only twenty-one when I had her, that I had no real clue what I was doing, even though I had prepared for parenthood in all the ways I knew how. I wanted to be the perfect mom, and I set these impossible standards for myself. She has no idea that at the end of every day, I question my mothering, hoping that even if I do things wrong or in ways differently than how I planned, she will still feel loved and cherished.

She is my only daughter, and she may always be my only daughter, and I think I have taken that for granted. She isn't a little baby girl anymore. I have this one distinct memory of when she was a newborn baby: she was asleep in the middle of my bed, and I lay next to her watching her for what seemed like hours, thinking how fast she would grow and trying to just take in that moment. I swore I'd never forget what her face looked like at that moment, how she smelled, how small her hands were, how quick her breaths were. Because I knew I would blink, and it would be gone.

Well, I blinked again, and now she is six.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful, intelligent, creative, loving, silly, amazing daughter.

Black Bean Brownies

On Tuesday, I made Garbanzo Bean Blondies, a recipe I found on Jami Nato's blog. She also has a recipe for Black Bean Brownies, which I was dying to try as well. They are gluten-free and have protein and fiber. They even have spinach in them for some added nutrition. I'm all for hiding veggies in yummy things and have been doing it for years.

Jami notes that these brownies are better cold than warm and fresh (the exact opposite of how I like to eat brownies normally). So I figured I'd try it both ways to see if I agree. She is definitely right! Feel free to try it both ways also.

So here's what you need:

**UPDATE**:  Over time, we have changed some of the ingredients we use in recipes.  Instead of canola oil, I now use organic extra virgin coconut oil, and instead of refined sugar, I use coconut sugar or half of each (1/2 cup coconut sugar and 1/2 cup cane sugar, preferrably unrefined).  

• 1 can black beans (15.25 oz), drained and rinsed
• 1/2 cup fresh spinach (more or less)
• 3 eggs
• 1/2 cup oil (I generally substitute applesauce for oil in normal brownie recipes; however, I wasn't sure how it would turn out with this one, so I left it as is)
• 1/4 cup cocoa powder
• 1 TBSP vanilla extract
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 tsp ground coffee
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
• (Note: I put baking powder in the picture thinking I would need it, but this recipe does not call for it. So just ignore that!)

After draining and rinsing your black beans, place in blender and pulse a few times to break them up. Add oil and spinach and blend, blend, blend until it is very smooth with no lumps (you may have to scrape the sides of the blender a few times with a rubber spatula through the process). At this point your mixture should look something like, well, poop. Yep, I said it. After I blended the beans, spinach, and oil, I put the mixture in a bowl because I figured it would be easier. But you can continue to do the rest of the mixing in your blender if your blender is a good one.

Add vanilla, cocoa powder, sugar, coffee, and salt and blend together. Jami says that here she threw in a TBSP of chocolate chips, but this is optional (I didn't add them here). Add the eggs last and pulse until well-blended. Don't overdue it, though. The mixture should now look like actual brownie mix.
Grease an 8x8 baking dish with cooking spray and pour brownie batter into it (it will be pretty thin). Sprinkle the chocolate chips all over the top (mixing them in will make them sink to the bottom, as I learned accidentally...more on that in a moment...). Bake at 350 for 40-45 minutes until middle is done. My confession: I totally forgot to mix in my cocoa powder until the very end. I already had the mixture poured into the dish and about 3/4 of the chocolate chips scattered over the top before I realized this, so I had to mix it in. This is why the following picture looks like it exploded or something. I'm just glad I caught it before baking it, otherwise I think these brownies would have been downright nasty.

Once they were done, I let them cool for a little while before cutting into them. I tried one warm, like I said, and they were just ok. I refrigerated them and tried one once they were cold, and it was way better. They have a coffee/chocolate flavor, and I didn't notice the beans, though you can tell there is something different about them. My husband can't decide if he likes these or the Garbanzo Bean Blondies better, but he likes them both nonetheless. I'm hoping to get Em and Cohen to try the brownies after dinner this evening.

Just a few words

Really, it's February already? As cliche as it sounds, time really does fly. My Emmylou will be six in less than two weeks. Six. Every year, I think, "Wow, I can't believe she is already [insert age here]." She is so much like me, though I'm not sure some of those aspects are good things (like trying to be a perfectionist and being so emotional about everything). Sometimes I look at my daughter and think, Oh, my goodness, she is so incredibly beautiful. And smart. And funny. And then sometimes I look at Matt and think, We made that kid. We did a good job. Even though we were young (still are, thank you!) and inexperienced and had no idea what we were really getting into, we have an amazing daughter. And two amazing boys who followed.

Speaking of my boys (or one of them), Kyden has been crawling for a few weeks. But it's not your normal crawl; it's more of an ape-walk thing where he propels himself forward. In any case, he gets around the house with no problem, pulling DVDs off the shelves and trying to "help" with Em and Cohen's treatments by grabbing the cords that attach to the Vest machines. Yesterday, he found one of his big brother's trucks and put one hand on it and was rolling it back and forth. It was one of the cutest things ever.

I don't want to leave Cohen out of this post, so here is a picture of him being silly in his Sheriff Woody get-up: