In Everything, Give Thanks

On October 10th, we learned we are expecting our third child. We were elated beyond words. We had been planning this for a long time and had been trying for several months, asking the Lord in our prayers to bless us with another child if it was His will. And He definitely showed his sense of humor because I am due on my birthday.

Now, if we were any "normal" family with completely "normal" kids, most people would just be happy with us and not think much about it. Those who have known us for years know that we have always wanted three or four children from the start, before we knew that Cystic Fibrosis would become the center of our lives. But there are those people out there, whether they are willing to admit it or not, who think we are completely stupid, negligent, moronic, naive, irresponsible...you pick the adjective, and I'm sure people have thought it. Does it MATTER what others think about what I do, whether it's wearing a certain pair of shoes with a certain shirt or choosing to have another child? Well, no. I know that. But I need to set some things straight for my own peace of mind.

First of all, NO ONE is guaranteed a healthy child, no matter how healthy you are or seem and no matter how "by the book" you do things before, during, and after pregnancy. Most mothers-to-be have an image in their minds of their perfect baby and don't give much thought to the possibility that their child will be anything but. Take for example an article I read recently about a young mother who was preparing to deliver her second daughter, who had planned every miniscule detail down for her baby's birth and had these picture-perfect images of her two daughters growing up together and doing all the sisterly things you would imagine. Her labor went beautifully, and she delivered a gorgeous baby girl--who had Down Syndrome. Or we can get closer to home and talk about my sister, who had her first baby, a daughter, in 2004, who was later found to be profoundly deaf in one ear and moderately deaf in the other. I know several other women who have lost babies, either before or after birth, for various reasons, but I won't be mentioning names or specifics because I haven't asked for their permission. But the point of mentioning any of this is, despite having unhealthy children, it doesn't mean they don't want more children later on or that their decision to have more will be dictated by those circumstances.

Yes, my situation is a bit different. What my children have is genetic and life-threatening. Every child we have has a 25% chance of having CF and a 50% chance of being a carrier of the gene (just like me and Matt, which is nothing to worry about unless two carriers have children together, obviously), but essentially, every child has a 75% chance of being fine, which makes the "odds" in our favor. But I know without a doubt that God chose us, for whatever reason, to be the parents of these children. He knew, even if we didn't and still don't understand it, that we are strong enough to be able to perservere through the struggles that come with being CF parents (just like so many other parents of children with chronic conditions). I also know He wants to give us the gift of more children, otherwise He wouldn't have and I would not be carrying this precious life inside me right now. So I dare anyone to question God about his will and ways because you won't win the argument.

Am I worried my third child with have CF? Honestly, even though the thought is always in the back of my mind, it hasn't scared me yet, and I don't know that it will. I am learning that "worry is futile and faith is fruitful" and that worrying will get me nowhere and only make me miserable. My faith in God's plan for us and this baby is not an "I believe everything will be hunky dorey" faith, it's an "I believe God will give us only what we can handle" faith. So if that means we are given another child with CF to love and raise, then that's what we are going to do, and we are going to be thankful for the gift of getting to be parents to another amazing gift, and as my pastor reminded us, "the chance to raise another saint." Ephesians 5:20 says, "Always give thanks to God the Father for everything..." So even if we don't always have the picture-perfect life, or 100% healthy kids, we are thankful for all we do have and will continue to be thankful no matter what circumstances in which we find ourselves.

The bottom line is don't judge what you don't understand. If you have been blessed with healthy children and a relatively "normal" life, remember to praise our Lord and give thanks and not to take it for granted because you never know when life can take an abrupt turn. And please don't claim you know how it is to wear these shoes of mine until you've walked in them or what you would do in my situation.

And look at it this way: If we had chosen to not have any children after Emberlynn based on the CF circumstances, we wouldn't have our wonderful, loving, fun, precious son Cohen, who brings so much joy to my life that my world would be absolutely broken without him. And we wouldn't have this new little baby on the way, who we already love and adore even at the size of just a jelly bean.

Scans, Shots, and Silly Kids

Today we trekked to Vanderbilt for the last CF Clinic visit of the year (and hopefully the last Vanderbilt visit of the year period, in hopes that Emberlynn and Cohen don't pick up any illnesses that warrant hospital stays).

My mom went with us at my request because Emberlynn was scheduled to receive the first of what I hope is very few CT scans (read my last CF Clinic post for details on my initial feelings about the CT), and I knew I would be unable to be in the room with her due to being pregnant, so I asked Mom to stand with her because I didn't want her to be scared all by herself. Cohen and I weren't even allowed to go down the hall with them, which I understood but was still a bit disappointed about since I am always worried about the kids when they have to undergo new procedures. In the meantime, Cohen and I watched the trains in the lobby and went outside to see the koi fish in the pond. The CT scan was not supposed to take very long, but I was still surprised when Mom and Emberlynn were in and out within five minutes. Mom said she did awesome; she did everything she was told and had no issues. Emberlynn told me, "He took my picture!"

Afterward, we headed upstairs for CF Clinic. The kids were weighed and measured as usual (Emberlynn gained a little over a pound and Cohen stayed the same, none of which is worrisome, as they are still in the "green" zone for BMI). Later in our visit, the doctor went over the CT scan results (and we were able to see the images on the computer screen) and explained everything very well to us. He didn't give us the "final" say on the lung findings (a radiologist will look over it to look for anything that might be serious), but he said from what he could see, they looked "normal" for a kid with CF (all CFers lungs look abnormal in some shape or form, we were told). He did notice some mucus "build-up" in the bronchial areas, which is normal but can cause problems if it stays there and builds and builds. He asked what her normal chest clearance routine is like, and I told him Vest twice a day and Pulmozyme (an inhaled medication) once a day, and he said that we just needed to continue it and not slack off (not something he needs to worry about).

We didn't have to see the nutritionist today, which is nice (not that we don't like her, it's just one less person we have to worry about seeing that ends up taking up more time on an already long day with two kids who get bored pretty easily in a room that has no forms of entertainment). An RT (respiratory therapist) came in to measure Cohen because he is old enough for a Vest, but alas, his chest is still too small by 1/2 inch (it's just as well, though, because the Vest terrifies him); therefore, we will continue with manual CPT until he gets big enough for the Vest (they will measure him again at their next clinic visit in February).

Emberlynn was due for her annual labs. In the past, this is something we have had to go to the next floor to have done, but now they have someone come to the exam room to draw blood, so we didn't have to go anywhere, which was nice. Emberlynn still cried a little despite have the EMLA cream to numb her arm (probably because she saw a needle going into her arm, which is scary for most kids anyway). Neither of the kids likes to see the other upset, so it was no surprise when Cohen ran to me and expressed his concern for his sister: "Emberlynn is crying! Her arm is hurt!"

Finally, both kids needed their flu shots. Shots are always something I forewarn them about. I let them know that they will be getting one (or several) and that it hurts for a minute but then it will feel better. Both always seem fine with this until it's time for the actual shot. But they were troopers as usual. As the nurse who took care of them through their entire appointment was preparing Cohen's flu shot, she told me that my kids are very well-behaved and that she was impressed by their cooperation with everything. It's always nice to receive compliments, especially in the midst of a day that is never looked forward to, and I thanked her.

And since part of the title of this post is "silly kids", I will say in closing that, due to a long day resulting in no naps, my kids got the giggles this afternoon, making them even sillier than they already normally are. I love my kiddos, but this Mommy is most definitely looking forward to their bedtime tonight and a lazy day at home tomorrow.