Where to begin? It's been months since I have posted; so long, in fact, that I'm too ashamed to even check when the last blog was posted. I constantly think to myself, "Hey, I need to blog about [insert topic here]," but then I never quite get around to it. For someone who used to consider herself a writer, this is very, very sad.
I could probably go on forever about everything that has happened over the last few months; however, I'll try to be brief, but I make no promises.
Most recently, my bouncing baby boy Kyden Isaiah was born on June 9, just eight days before my estimated due date. (My due date was also my birthday, so I'm glad he came sooner so that we could keep our birthdays to ourselves.) I did not go into labor on my own, nor did my water break beforehand. At 35 weeks, I was dilated to two, then to 3 at 37 weeks, and then 4 at 38 weeks. My doctor was convinced I wasn't going to make it even to my 38th week prenatal visit, so when I showed up to my 39-week visit, he was surprised to see my waddling in, still pregnant. After my examination showed I was past 5 cm and almost completely effaced, he decided to admit me that day (which made me do cartwheels inside) and break my water. Seven hours and 45 minutes later, after a completely drug-free birth, my baby boy was born at 11:15 pm weighing 7 pounds, 3 ounces and measuring 18 1/2 inches long. I was totally in love; there went another piece of my heart, stolen by another precious gift from God. I thought I couldn't love another little boy like I love Cohen, but I was so wrong. The love just grows.
The million-dollar question everyone was wondering about my entire pregnancy was whether Kyden would have CF like his older siblings. We prayed he would be healthy, but I was worried anyway, though I tried not to show it. His blood was drawn at Vandy and sent to a lab for DNA testing, and three weeks later, on July 20 (five days shy of the five-year anniversary of Emberlynn being diagnosed with CF), we found out that Kyden does NOT have CF. (He is, however, a carrier, but the only way this will affect him is if he has children with another carrier.) I received the call as I was driving to a doctor appointment, and I won't ever forget the feeling of relief that surged through my body and the tears I cried. I kept saying out loud, "He's ok. He's ok." I just couldn't believe it; I have a healthy baby.
I'll be honest, though. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, like they are going to call me and say, "Oh, we made a mistake...he actually DOES have CF." I have become so accustomed to having children with a disease that I have it ingrained in my mind that Matt and I can't have healthy children. It sounds terrible that I would think that, but I don't know what it's like to have a child with no health problems. I don't know what it's like to have a child gain weight normally who doesn't have to take medications constantly or have daily therapies; I don't know what it's like not freaking out inside when my child starts to show signs of sickness that could land them in the hospital and irreversibly damage their lungs. I know I should stop thinking all this craziness and just revel in the fact that my child is healthy and enjoy every little moment with him, but this is such new territory for me, and I have to retrain my brain, I suppose. And, as my friend Nikki reminded me, I have to remember to take it one day at a time and not worry about what may become.
Right now, Kyden is eight weeks old and such a joy, I can't even put it into words. He melts my heart just by looking at him, and despite being sleep-deprived and spread so thin most days, I am loving having three kids and am so glad we decided to let our family grow. Kyden fits right in. Emberlynn and Cohen absolutely adore him, and they have not shown a speck of jealously. I was initially worried that Cohen would have a difficult time adjusting since he has a) been the baby for three and a half years and b) is a big Mommy's boy, but he thinks Kyden is totally awesome and can't get enough of him. We actually have to tell the kids to back off a little sometimes because they can be a bit TOO loving at times, but all in all, it's wonderful knowing how much they love having a baby brother.
Emberlynn is five and a half and is officially a kindergartener. We decided a couple of years ago that I would be homeschooling the kids, hopefully at least through elementary school. So this week, we completed our second week of homeschooling. Emberlynn looks forward to it each day and has been doing very well. I must brag about my daughter for a moment, though: She is very intelligent and already knows most of the kindergarten cirruculum standards, and if she could "test out" of it, I'm sure she would with flying colors, but she is enjoying all the activities we have been doing and picking up on new information very quickly. I love being able to teach her and experience it with her.
Health-wise, Emberlynn has been doing well. I think she's had one cold in the last year and maybe one virus, so overall, she has stayed pretty healthy. I always get worried when winter comes around with all the flu and cold possiblities, so in a few months, I'll be biting my nails that praying that my kids won't get sick enough to warrant a hospital visit.
My "big little man" Cohen has been doing ok as far as his health goes, expect for his lack of weight gain over the last several months. They have expressed concern at CF clinic, and though he is not in the "red zone" (green zone is where they want CFers to be, yellow zone is a "cautionary" zone, which is where he is right now, and the red zone means action needs to be taken to improve their health), they are worried he will continue to grow in height but not gain weight. He eats well, but around his third birthday, he quit drinking Pediasure, which was a major source of calories in his diet. (One container of Pedisure has 237 calories, and he was drinking three to four containers a day). So essentially, he lost about 700-950 calories a day, which is a big deal. The only beverages he will drink are water or tea. He has never liked juice, so the high-calorie juice-like drinks we have tried are a no-go. He won't even drink regular milk, so we can't even get the extra calories in there. I add calories where I can (adding butter, cream, and cheese to certain foods he eats), and he eats three meals plus two snacks a day, but his weight just won't budge. He's pretty much at a "plateau", and we are constantly trying to come up with ideas. Recently, I have been able to get him to drink Pediasure using what I can not call anything else but bribery, I'll admit. He loves tea, and although he is not allowed to have very much each day anyway, he is not allowed to have any unless he drinks a certain amount of Pediasure. Though I am not proud of my method, it has worked, and he has been drinking a container of Pediasure a day, which at least gives him almost 250 extra calories.
If Cohen does not start gaining weight, and he starts dropping on the growth chart and falling into the "red zone", there have already been discussions about g-tube placement so that we can give him high-calorie supplements in overnight feeds, which is what we have done with Emberlynn since she was eighteen months old. I absolutely refuse to go that route unless it's necessary. I want it to be a last resort. I know my son, and he will not be easy-going with having a huge tube coming out of his stomach post-surgery; he would totally rip that thing out. And beyond the surgery and recovery, he would have a very difficult time adjusting to being connected to a feeding tube every night. It was easier for Emberlynn because she was so young and still had such a "go with the flow" attitude. Cohen is three and would be very defiant with something like that. So when I say it has to be a last resort, I am not wavering. We will do all within our power to help him get back on track with his weight gain sans that g-tube.
Emberlynn and Cohen's next clinic visit is August 25th, so I will try to post about that to give an update on weight checks, etc.
I'm hoping this gives a good enough update on what's been going on with us over these last many months. I've promised myself to blog more often, but I'm really now sure how well I'll be able to stick to it. Once a month would be ideal, but I guess we'll see.
I could probably go on forever about everything that has happened over the last few months; however, I'll try to be brief, but I make no promises.
Most recently, my bouncing baby boy Kyden Isaiah was born on June 9, just eight days before my estimated due date. (My due date was also my birthday, so I'm glad he came sooner so that we could keep our birthdays to ourselves.) I did not go into labor on my own, nor did my water break beforehand. At 35 weeks, I was dilated to two, then to 3 at 37 weeks, and then 4 at 38 weeks. My doctor was convinced I wasn't going to make it even to my 38th week prenatal visit, so when I showed up to my 39-week visit, he was surprised to see my waddling in, still pregnant. After my examination showed I was past 5 cm and almost completely effaced, he decided to admit me that day (which made me do cartwheels inside) and break my water. Seven hours and 45 minutes later, after a completely drug-free birth, my baby boy was born at 11:15 pm weighing 7 pounds, 3 ounces and measuring 18 1/2 inches long. I was totally in love; there went another piece of my heart, stolen by another precious gift from God. I thought I couldn't love another little boy like I love Cohen, but I was so wrong. The love just grows.
The million-dollar question everyone was wondering about my entire pregnancy was whether Kyden would have CF like his older siblings. We prayed he would be healthy, but I was worried anyway, though I tried not to show it. His blood was drawn at Vandy and sent to a lab for DNA testing, and three weeks later, on July 20 (five days shy of the five-year anniversary of Emberlynn being diagnosed with CF), we found out that Kyden does NOT have CF. (He is, however, a carrier, but the only way this will affect him is if he has children with another carrier.) I received the call as I was driving to a doctor appointment, and I won't ever forget the feeling of relief that surged through my body and the tears I cried. I kept saying out loud, "He's ok. He's ok." I just couldn't believe it; I have a healthy baby.
I'll be honest, though. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, like they are going to call me and say, "Oh, we made a mistake...he actually DOES have CF." I have become so accustomed to having children with a disease that I have it ingrained in my mind that Matt and I can't have healthy children. It sounds terrible that I would think that, but I don't know what it's like to have a child with no health problems. I don't know what it's like to have a child gain weight normally who doesn't have to take medications constantly or have daily therapies; I don't know what it's like not freaking out inside when my child starts to show signs of sickness that could land them in the hospital and irreversibly damage their lungs. I know I should stop thinking all this craziness and just revel in the fact that my child is healthy and enjoy every little moment with him, but this is such new territory for me, and I have to retrain my brain, I suppose. And, as my friend Nikki reminded me, I have to remember to take it one day at a time and not worry about what may become.
Right now, Kyden is eight weeks old and such a joy, I can't even put it into words. He melts my heart just by looking at him, and despite being sleep-deprived and spread so thin most days, I am loving having three kids and am so glad we decided to let our family grow. Kyden fits right in. Emberlynn and Cohen absolutely adore him, and they have not shown a speck of jealously. I was initially worried that Cohen would have a difficult time adjusting since he has a) been the baby for three and a half years and b) is a big Mommy's boy, but he thinks Kyden is totally awesome and can't get enough of him. We actually have to tell the kids to back off a little sometimes because they can be a bit TOO loving at times, but all in all, it's wonderful knowing how much they love having a baby brother.
Emberlynn is five and a half and is officially a kindergartener. We decided a couple of years ago that I would be homeschooling the kids, hopefully at least through elementary school. So this week, we completed our second week of homeschooling. Emberlynn looks forward to it each day and has been doing very well. I must brag about my daughter for a moment, though: She is very intelligent and already knows most of the kindergarten cirruculum standards, and if she could "test out" of it, I'm sure she would with flying colors, but she is enjoying all the activities we have been doing and picking up on new information very quickly. I love being able to teach her and experience it with her.
Health-wise, Emberlynn has been doing well. I think she's had one cold in the last year and maybe one virus, so overall, she has stayed pretty healthy. I always get worried when winter comes around with all the flu and cold possiblities, so in a few months, I'll be biting my nails that praying that my kids won't get sick enough to warrant a hospital visit.
My "big little man" Cohen has been doing ok as far as his health goes, expect for his lack of weight gain over the last several months. They have expressed concern at CF clinic, and though he is not in the "red zone" (green zone is where they want CFers to be, yellow zone is a "cautionary" zone, which is where he is right now, and the red zone means action needs to be taken to improve their health), they are worried he will continue to grow in height but not gain weight. He eats well, but around his third birthday, he quit drinking Pediasure, which was a major source of calories in his diet. (One container of Pedisure has 237 calories, and he was drinking three to four containers a day). So essentially, he lost about 700-950 calories a day, which is a big deal. The only beverages he will drink are water or tea. He has never liked juice, so the high-calorie juice-like drinks we have tried are a no-go. He won't even drink regular milk, so we can't even get the extra calories in there. I add calories where I can (adding butter, cream, and cheese to certain foods he eats), and he eats three meals plus two snacks a day, but his weight just won't budge. He's pretty much at a "plateau", and we are constantly trying to come up with ideas. Recently, I have been able to get him to drink Pediasure using what I can not call anything else but bribery, I'll admit. He loves tea, and although he is not allowed to have very much each day anyway, he is not allowed to have any unless he drinks a certain amount of Pediasure. Though I am not proud of my method, it has worked, and he has been drinking a container of Pediasure a day, which at least gives him almost 250 extra calories.
If Cohen does not start gaining weight, and he starts dropping on the growth chart and falling into the "red zone", there have already been discussions about g-tube placement so that we can give him high-calorie supplements in overnight feeds, which is what we have done with Emberlynn since she was eighteen months old. I absolutely refuse to go that route unless it's necessary. I want it to be a last resort. I know my son, and he will not be easy-going with having a huge tube coming out of his stomach post-surgery; he would totally rip that thing out. And beyond the surgery and recovery, he would have a very difficult time adjusting to being connected to a feeding tube every night. It was easier for Emberlynn because she was so young and still had such a "go with the flow" attitude. Cohen is three and would be very defiant with something like that. So when I say it has to be a last resort, I am not wavering. We will do all within our power to help him get back on track with his weight gain sans that g-tube.
Emberlynn and Cohen's next clinic visit is August 25th, so I will try to post about that to give an update on weight checks, etc.
I'm hoping this gives a good enough update on what's been going on with us over these last many months. I've promised myself to blog more often, but I'm really now sure how well I'll be able to stick to it. Once a month would be ideal, but I guess we'll see.
